What if I need you when I can't see you?
by Songstone
Summary: The idea that it might even be slightly chilly hadn't crossed his mind; not until the body he was undressing gave a heavy shiver as naked skin met air.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **What if I need you when I can't see you?**  
>Author: <strong>Songstone**  
>Rating: <strong>NC-17**  
>PairingCharacters: **Sam Winchester/Jimmy Novak. Mentions of Dean and Castiel.**  
>Warnings: <strong>Rough sex, dirty talk, slightly AU-ish.**  
>Word Count: <strong>14,060**  
>Summary: <strong>Jimmy Novak strikes a deal with Castiel. If he gets to take the wheel long enough to enjoy sex again, then he'll give Castiel permission to use his body to lie with Dean. However, it is Jimmy's choice in bed partners that surprises everyone.**  
>Authors Note: <strong>Cut up into three parts because of the length. Written for fun, this started off as PWP based off of a role play my sister and I started. However, I quickly realized that this story had plans of it's own and wanted to make something of itself...it became a monster. A lovely, horny, very detailed, monster. Title taken from a verse in Meg & Dia's 'Nineteen Stars'.**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own 'Supernatural' or any of its characters.

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><p>The motel room was chilly, as most motel rooms were by default. Sam had acquired thick skin over the years of hopping from city to city, room to room, so he didn't even bother to fiddle with the thermostats in the rooms anymore. Instead of messing around with some cheap motel appliance, both Sam and Dean were accustomed to bundling under the blankets if they got too cold. Worst case scenario: body heat trumped hot, musky, air any day of the week. Dean and Sam always had one another to warm up with if the winter was particularly harsh.<p>

But it wasn't winter anymore, and Dean wasn't in the room. He had gone off and gotten his own room when they arrived at the motel. Presently, Sam's room was the perfect kind of cold; it was the middle of July, and south Texas started to get really hot around that time. Sam had no complaints about the room. The idea that it might even be slightly chilly hadn't crossed his mind; not until the body he was undressing gave a heavy shiver as naked skin met air.

Before Sam could say anything, the chest he was palming at gave a couple of heaves as the person next to him laughed. The sound appeared to have taken quite some effort as it came out breathless and high. Flustered, most likely. That and cold, Sam decided, as he noticed how the skin of the nipple he ran his fingers over fleetingly was already taut.

"It's been a…really long time since I've done this. I'm actually kind of nervous." The man confessed as he looked up at Sam.

"I'm kind of nervous about this, too." Sam concurred. "It's, uh…still a little sudden."

Sam was acutely aware of a pair of bright blue eyes watching him as he pulled his outer shirt off of his shoulders and crumpled it between his hands. He tossed it without a second thought to the floor. As he was arranging the bottle of lubricant and the box of condoms on the nightstand for easy access, the man besides him in the bed gave an awkward cough.

"You…I mean, you've been with a guy before, right? I'm not going to have to explain everything to you and Castiel, both, am I?"

Sam felt his face heat up at this question. It was an awkward enough question by itself, but then he had to take into account the fact that he really _was _in the presence of two people. Well, one person and one entity. Castiel was inside of Jimmy's body _somewhere_, listening, watching through Jimmy's bright blue eyes. He could see Sam, and suddenly Sam felt his nerves start to tingle with the beginning of stage fright.

He cleared his throat a couple of times. "Y-yeah. I've been with a few guys before. I've never had an audience, though." His eyes found the belt on Jimmy's pants and he occupied himself with unbuckling it. He watched closely as Jimmy's lower body lifted off the bed a little to give Sam the opportunity to peel the belt away. Above his eye-level, Jimmy was shivering slightly in the crisp motel air.

"Don't worry. Cas won't bud in." Jimmy assured. He settled back into the bed and Sam tossed away the belt he'd stripped him of. Just as Sam was about to relax a little, and was close to meeting Jimmy's eyes again, the older man added; "He's just curious."

"Er. Right." Of course. The virgin angel was curious about sex. Sam smiled awkwardly, his fingers turning over each other as he began to unbutton Jimmy's slacks.

What with the whole 'profound bond' thing between Dean and Cas, Sam was surprised that his brother hadn't bedded the angel already. He had asked Jimmy (before foreplay was even a thought in their heads) why this was, and had been impressed to learn that Castiel had put Jimmy's needs before his own. He had asked for _permission. _Jimmy initially refused.

Sam didn't blame the guy. So the Angel who's riding you wants to bend over for some (and Sam means this lovingly) dude with chronic alcohol-scented breath? Uhm, _no_. But then Jimmy began to explain that he and Castiel had come to an agreement. If Jimmy got to take the wheel long enough to release some way, way, _way_ pent-up sexual frustration, then he would allow Castiel to use his body to enjoy the finer things in life as well. After all, Jimmy had told Sam, he let the Angel use his body for murder and fighting-Cas needed to see the loving side of human interaction, not just violence. The depth of Jimmy's loving nature and selflessness never ceased to surprise Sam.

So, with that agreement lingering between them, Cas had taken to the backseat and left Jimmy to figure out where he chose to have his fun.

It surprised Sam when Jimmy didn't outright ask to be taken to his wife for the whole sex thing. But apparently, in between possessions, Jimmy had been back to Pontiac, Illinois, to visit his family, and things weren't going all that well. The divorce had become final two weeks ago, and even now Sam felt a heavy pang of pity strike him in the chest. Jimmy was a good, faithful man who said _yes_ over and over when others would have just turned their backs and said 'fuck you.' He didn't deserve to have the rug pulled out from under him so harshly.

Currently, Sam was disposing of his tee-shirt by tossing it haphazardly over his shoulder in a bunched up ball. He helped Jimmy ease his arms out of his dress shirt and threw that aside in much the same manner as he had done with his own. Before his hands could find the flesh of Jimmy's stomach and chest and start to tease, a question began to itch at Sam's brain. He couldn't ignore it. He was curious by nature, and besides, it was very relevant to what they were about to engage in so it wasn't all that out of context.

"Jimmy…uh," Sam began, and didn't know what to do with his hands for a second before he discovered that he could occupy them by stroking down Jimmy's sides, over his ribs. Jimmy seemed to like that. "Have…have _you_ ever slept with a man before?" Because, well, the man had a wife. Had, past tense, but regardless, he had been married to a woman and they'd had a daughter together. Sam found it somewhat odd that Jimmy was suddenly playing for the other team so soon after his wife had left him.

Jimmy's flesh fluttered under Sam's touch, both from the chill air and from the almost ticklish way Sam was ghosting his fingertips over his skin. His expression became a bit more reserved for a moment, and Sam feared that maybe he should have kept his mouth shut after all and that he had offended Jimmy. In the next moment, Jimmy's jaw relaxed again, and his eyes softened. His gaze seemed somewhat distant nevertheless. "Yes." He answered after a while. His voice was low and guarded. "From when I was sixteen right up until I was twenty-three-a year before I met Amelia." He brought up one hand, and Sam feared for a moment that he was going to push him away and tell him to stop, but instead, Jimmy placed his palm over his heart. His eyes shone with a fondness that Sam could only attempt to decipher. "She never knew that about me. When I met her, I just…I just fell head over heels. Wanted to change for her." He sighed, then, and glanced down at the hand over his chest. "Cas said the Cupids marked us; we were meant to be together. But I don't know if you know that Angel's heal any scars on, or in, their vessel's bodies when they take over."

Sam was astonished at this. His hands stopped stroking Jimmy's sides, and he just stared at him quietly for a moment. He didn't know what to say to any of that. So…Jimmy had been gay before the Cupids picked him and Amelia for each other-that was interesting to learn. Apparently Jimmy had been happy with his wife, if the soft expression on his face was any indication, and it went without saying that he loved and treasured his daughter more than anything. And Castiel had taken away the Cupids mark that branded Jimmy as a family man. Now Jimmy and Amelia were divorced. "No way…" Sam breathed, shaking his head slightly. "Cas, he, really…?"

"Well, it wasn't like he did it spitefully." Jimmy defended. Sam found he did that a lot, even without noticing or meaning to. "It just…happened automatically when he hopped in." His hand slipped away from his heart and his bright eyes slipped shut for a while as he simply lay still beneath Sam's towering body. When Jimmy reopened his eyes, he seemed a lot less troubled about things, and he even smiled up at Sam's apologetic expression. "Don't worry. I'm okay now. It wasn't easy at first, finding out that things weren't, and would never be, the same between Amelia and I, but I've come to terms with it. She needs to find someone who can love her and who can take care of Claire when I'm not around. They need to be happy."

Sam, again, felt humbled in Jimmy's presence. He hung his head a little as he asked; "But what about you?"

Jimmy fixed him with a subtly wide-eyed stare, looking perplexed for a moment. It was such a 'Castiel' expression that Sam had a moment of panic as he wondered if it was the angel taking control again. But of course it wasn't; this was _Jimmy's_ body, after all. He had been making that expression long before Castiel jumped his meat-suit. "Me?" Jimmy asked, as if he hadn't yet considered himself as a part of the equation. After a moment of consideration, he smoothed his expression and his lips quirked just a little at the sides. "I'm going to enjoy whatever time Castiel allows me. I really admire you, Sam, and I told Castiel that I wanted you, specifically, for this." Jimmy's hands were doing an awkward pull-and-push motion as he attempted to reach out and touch Sam's face but lost his nerve before the contact was final. He gave an awkward, flustered smile up at Sam. "I hope you enjoy it, really. I know that it's weird and all, but please don't feel like it's a…a chore or something, Sam." His fingertips finally found the skin of Sam's jaw, and he secured his palm against the side of Sam's face after another moment of hesitation.

And really, Sam couldn't see this as a chore even if he wanted to. He wasn't the type to sleep with someone if he didn't feel a sort of connection with them. Even his experimental college flings (all male-before Jessica) had been due to mutual affections. Not just lust, but a definite _love_, even if it wasn't as strong as any great romance.

When Jimmy had suddenly emerged and appeared to Sam one day on the street of a rural Texas town and propositioned him, Sam had been shocked. He had been flattered that Jimmy had chosen _him_ to sleep with over anyone else that he probably could have gotten, but he was skeptical about agreeing. But really, he felt like someone owed the guy _something_ after all he'd sacrificed; hell, he deserved whatever the fuck he asked for, Sam thought, and it turns out that Jimmy wanted exactly that. With Sam. He couldn't find it in himself to refuse a man that had lost his body, his life, family, and his free will-ironically the very thing that Dean, Cas, and Sam had once fought to gain.

He said yes, just like Jimmy had said yes, and now here they were, two weeks later. Two weeks of getting to know each other because, as Jimmy explained, he wanted them to get to know each other, even if Jimmy already knew Sam very well from what he had picked up from Castiel. And frankly, Sam liked what he discovered. Finding out that he actually _liked_ Jimmy Novak as a separate personality from Castiel was enlightening; it made his decision of saying yes that much easier to deal with. And it made stripping down butt-naked with him feel a hell of a lot less awkward, that was for sure.

Sam leaned into Jimmy's touch on the side of his face, enjoying the heat radiating from the other's palm. He watched Jimmy closely as the man began to squirm and then slowly brought himself into a sitting position. He was just a small distance away from Sam now, and they were so close. Sam could see his reflection in Jimmy's bright eyes if he stared hard enough, and Jimmy was fixing him with a deep, studious stare of his own. Unhurriedly, Sam began to follow the gentle tug that Jimmy's fingers were providing at the edge of his jaw, and his lips brushed over Jimmy's tentatively. He was going to close the distance completely, seal their first kiss, but Jimmy's mouth suddenly moved against his own with whispered words, the movement giving Sam a pleasant tingle as Jimmy's heated breath ghosted over his lips.

"Wanna know a secret? Between you, me, and Cas?" Jimmy asked. Then, before Sam could say yes or no; "I like you better…" Clarifying, Jimmy added; "Than Dean." He smiled then, and the stretch of the skin of his lips against Sam's gave the younger man another shiver. This didn't feel like teasing, Sam realized. It felt more like Jimmy was testing the waters with the tips of his toes before he took a nose dive. He was trying to learn his limits here, finding out if Sam was okay with kissing or not, and Sam answered him with a gentle press of his lips against Jimmy's mouth.

Sam was pleased when he felt the body across from him shiver from the contact (he wondered off-handedly how long it had been since Jimmy had been kissed). Deftly, Sam began to lean Jimmy back into the mattress, one hand at the nape of the man's neck as he held him still so that the kiss they were sharing wasn't broken. When his hand was sandwiched between the back of Jimmy's head and the pillow, Sam shifted his body weight around a bit. He leaned his upper body in closer, his chest pressing against Jimmy's to the point that he could feel every heave of breath that the other took. Sam's legs found Jimmy's right, and his knees sank into the mattress on either side of it. Very carefully, he pressed his body into Jimmy's, cautious of how he planted his weight and making sure that he wouldn't hurt him. Their kiss broke and Sam smiled down at Jimmy, his attention captured again by two orbs as bright as the sky. "I like you too." Sam confessed. "More than Cas."

All too suddenly, Sam was _very_ aware of Castiel watching him back from somewhere within the pools of Jimmy's eyes, and he flinched as a jab of guilt and horror struck him hard. He yanked his upper body away from Jimmy, doing a push-up as he leaned over the older man. He knew his face was red; he could feel the heat radiating off of his cheeks and he tripped over his words as he tried to correct himself. "Well, I mean, no offense, Cas. You just have that profound bond thing with Dean, and, well, Jimmy and I-he's nice. Not that you aren't nice. You're just a little more…well, nothing, never mind. I like you, Cas. But it's not the same way like I like you, Jimmy. You're both great, is what I'm trying to say. I just…Jimmy…" Sam finally resorted to begging, and he whined out Jimmy's name as if he could help him remove his foot from his mouth.

Instead of indignation from Castiel glaring back at him from Jimmy's eyes, when Sam finally had enough control over his tongue to stop his gibberish and meet his gaze, he was surprised to see Jimmy smiling. There was no anger in his eyes. Sam didn't see Castiel, he only saw Jimmy Novak, and he seemed perfectly at peace even while Sam's heart hammered against his ribs with panic and his cheeks burned with embarrassment.

"I hope I didn't offend Castiel." Sam mumbled.

Jimmy chuckled a little. It was a low, throaty sound. It reminded Sam that they were both half-naked and that their lower bodies were still very much pressed against each other. He felt Jimmy's growing arousal against his stomach and he realized suddenly that they had been grinding against each other. "You did, a little. He likes you, Sam, but like you said, it just isn't the same. He doesn't feel for you what he feels for Dean. Cas really loves him." Sam blinked a couple of times as that sank in. He suddenly felt very glad that Castiel cared for Dean as much as he did; it made his heart swell to realize that his brother had someone as honest and as true as Castiel that loved him. No one was as pure and devoted as Castiel was, and Dean deserved that. Someone that wouldn't hurt him and who would never betray his trust; something that even Sam hadn't been able to do. Sam smiled a little, reassured that Castiel wasn't upset with him, and Jimmy's hand found the side of his face again, warming Sam's cheek. "He understands. It doesn't offend him, Sam. He's glad for your friendship and wants you to know that you have his as well." Jimmy explained.

Sam felt immensely better, now. His brother has an _Angel_ to love and protect him and Sam has a great friend-a luxury Sam Winchester did not take lightly considering that he never had very many friends to rely on the way he knew he could rely on Castiel. And then it wasn't just about the fact that he and Dean had Castiel that made Sam's heart surge with gratitude. It was the fact that Sam had Jimmy Novak; the devout man, the one who asked to be of use to Heaven. The selfless father and husband, the one who only saw his daughter between angelic possessions and the man whose marriage had crumbled away into nothingness because he was doing something _good_. Jimmy wanted _Sam_, and Sam suddenly felt very unworthy. Someone as virtuous and honest as Jimmy was actually going to lower themselves because they wanted him. Not for the first time, he felt ashamed of who he once was, ashamed that he could do nothing to atone for all of the sins he'd committed, and at the same time very, very grateful that he was being given this opportunity. Maybe he could do something good for once, something besides killing. He could make someone happy-he could make someone feel _good_.

And suddenly, that's what it became about. Sam wanted Jimmy-good, sweet, unselfish, Jimmy-to feel good. He wanted to bring him pleasure. He couldn't even imagine being trapped within his own skin while someone else pulls the strings, and he didn't even want to wonder how long it had been for Jimmy since he'd had sex (or enjoyed any kind of human interaction at all). He just knew that this was something Jimmy wanted, was long overdue for, and something that Sam could give. He would show him a good time. He would not let Jimmy regret his decision to trust Sam with this opportunity.

"Thanks." Sam whispered, leaning into the hand on the side of his face. He smiled down at Jimmy. He met his eyes, and this time he didn't even try to search for where Castiel was or wasn't; he just focused on Jimmy, who was _there_. He lowered himself back down slowly, easing his weight back onto Jimmy, though not fully for fear of cutting off his supply of air. Jimmy's hand slipped away from Sam's cheek to the back of his head, and the feeling of those smooth fingers running along his scalp and tugging at his hair gave Sam chills.

Sam didn't even wait for the gentle press of Jimmy's fingers to the back of his skull. He was already leaning forward. Jimmy met him halfway by lifting his head slightly, and then they were kissing again. Sam sighed into it, his eyes slipping closed, leaving him to rely solely on his sense of touch, taste and smell. It made him savor every sensation that washed over him, like the feel of Jimmy's teeth dragging lazily over his lower lip or the touch of Jimmy's hand at the back of his neck, fingers pressing and rubbing in a soothing massage. He could smell the aftershave Jimmy had used earlier that morning still clinging to his skin with a subtle musk. The taste of Jimmy's mouth when Sam finally slid his tongue between his lips was sweet and sharp; the milkshake that he had washed his lunch down with, most likely. Sam moaned into the kiss, and his body shook with excitement as Jimmy mirrored the sound, arching up against Sam's body. Sam drew back his arm from the back of Jimmy's head; he wanted to touch the perfect body beneath him, wanted to explore and tease. Wanted to make Jimmy squirm and hear him moan.

As Sam moved his hands over Jimmy's chest, his mouth slowly followed. He peppered kisses along Jimmy's jaw line before he moved lower, sucked at his jugular and relished in the soft gasp and whimper that the action elicited from Jimmy. He was acutely aware of Jimmy's hips and the quick, shallow, thrusts they were making; he could feel Jimmy's erection even through his slacks, and it was prodding against Sam's stomach like an encouragement. He was doing something right; he could tell because of the way Jimmy continued to grind up into him, making those lewd noises of delight as Sam's fingers and mouth discovered and played on all of his body's erogenous zones. When Sam had brought his mouth all the way down to Jimmy's navel, he allowed his hand a head start and hooked his thumb and forefinger under the hem of Jimmy's slacks. Given that they were already unbuttoned and unzipped, they came down without much bidding, and Jimmy arched up all too eagerly, kicking his legs a bit when Sam moved to the side in order get the article of clothing out of the way completely.

Lying besides Jimmy, Sam's eyes swept over the other man's frame, and he had to marvel for a moment over just how _perfect_ Jimmy's body was. It was devoid of any imperfections, big or small. Where there should be bullet holes in his chest from where Dean had tried to shoot Castiel upon first meeting him, there was only pale, smooth skin. There were no little welts raised on his skin, no patch of skin a few shades lighter than the rest, no silver strips of scars, nothing. Just smooth skin. Flawless. Sam didn't realize that he had been holding his breath until he let it out when Jimmy placed a hand on his shoulder and shifted onto his side to face him fully.

"What's wrong?"

Sam dragged his eyes up slowly until he met the oceanic view of Jimmy's iris'. "Nothing." He said in a low voice. "You're just…perfect."

Jimmy snorted. "Sam-"

"Well, I mean your body." Sam ran a hand up and down Jimmy's thigh for emphasis, making the older man shudder against him. "I'm covered in welts, scars, bruises…Your body has been destroyed on more than one occasion, Cas wore you to _war_, and you don't have a single scratch on you." He smiled a little, his hand continuing to tease the skin of Jimmy's inner thigh. "I'm admiring, that's all."

"Sam…" Jimmy tried again. His voice was thick with lust and Sam could feel the heat of Jimmy's erection through his underwear, near his forearm as his hand moved along his leg. He brushed it a couple of times 'on accident' just to hear Jimmy suck in his breath. "Yeah…" Jimmy muttered, shifting his body closer to Sam. "Castiel, he, uh…" He shook his head; tried again. "I told you he healed everything about me when he hopped inside for the first time. For instance," Jimmy took his hand away from Sam's shoulder and brought it up to his left ear, where he pinched and tugged at the lobe (Sam didn't comment on the shaking in his fingers). "I used to have scars from when I had pierced ears. Now there's nothing."

Sam thought about this for a moment, then slowly brought his hand up, teasing the flesh of Jimmy's hipbones this time. "You had pierced ears?" He asked, unable to hide his smirk. "A good little church boy like you? Why?"

Jimmy shuddered and made a soft, aggravated, sound at the back of his throat. "Because," He snapped, a tad frustrated with Sam's teasing. He changed his tone as he continued, looking apologetic. "I had my rebellious years, just like all teenagers."

"Somehow, I can't see you as ever being rebellious, Jim." Sam said with a laugh. He began to thumb small circles into Jimmy's hips as they spoke. Once and a while he would let his fingers dip beneath the fabric of Jimmy's underwear, but he would never venture too far down. He could feel Jimmy shivering against him restlessly, no longer because of the cold air in the room, but because he was aching and painfully hard as he sought relief against Sam's hipbone. His skin was flush with arousal, and his eyes were foggy as he locked eyes with Sam. "Well," Sam reconsidered. "Maybe I _can_…"

"Sam." Jimmy breathed. Sam lost some of his nerve as he heard the tone of voice Jimmy was suddenly capable of. It was throaty, raw, _desperate_. He pushed his hips against Sam's again, his cock finding Sam's pelvis, just above his own half-hard erection. "Sam, come on. It's been too long for me, and I can't wait anymore." His nails were short, but they stung as he squeezed Sam's shoulder and they dug into his skin.

Sam shifted, pushed Jimmy back to lie flat once again, and returned to straddling the man's leg. He towered over him, supporting his weight on his arms, and smirked. Jimmy was flushed red, lips parted as his breathing came in jagged, raspy, pants. His arms fell above his head, leaving the rest of him exposed to Sam's sharp eye, and soon enough, Sam was palming once again at Jimmy's chest. He played with his nipples a bit, discovering that Jimmy liked it when he gently pinched and rolled the nubs between two fingers. He also found out that if he was too light with his touches on Jimmy's ribs, that the other man was ticklish. The sharp laugh had startled Sam at first, but the embarrassed, indignant, glare he'd gotten from Jimmy immediately after had been adorable. He apologized by means of finally hooking his thumbs beneath Jimmy's underwear and pulling them down, freeing his erection at last. Sam couldn't help but to stare a little bit while he helped ease Jimmy's legs out of the fabric of his briefs; Jimmy had a nice dick. Well sized, thick, just enough curve to it as it slapped up against Jimmy's stomach after being released-Sam was embarrassed to find that he was beginning to salivate.

Ever since his very first same-sex experience, it hadn't taken Sam long to realize that he enjoyed sucking dick. He liked the taste, be it salty or sweet, and the musk in his mouth that lingered long after a good blowjob. He liked the weight on his tongue, the slick push and pull against the rings of his throat muscles as he deep throated-Sam could go on and on down the mental list about why he enjoyed sucking cock, but then he wouldn't have time to actually do any cock sucking. Wrapping his hand around the base of Jimmy's dick, Sam began to fist him slowly, experimenting with the weight and texture against the palm of his hand. He licked at his lips and heard Jimmy give a breathy moan from somewhere above his eye-level. Sam had to jerk his head up to avoid what would have been a rather embarrassing jab to the eye as Jimmy thrust his hips upwards, his dick a few inches in front of Sam's nose.

"Easy." Chuckled Sam. He placed his free hand down onto Jimmy's hip to steady him and to keep him pinned to the bed as much as possible. He wriggled and shimmied his body down a bit more until he was in a much more comfortable position for what he was planning. He found that he was also shamelessly humping Jimmy's right calf, but when Jimmy said nothing against the friction that Sam was creating, Sam decided to ignore it and continue on as he had been. "How's this?" Sam asked as he quickened the pace of his hand. He stroked Jimmy at the base, working him steadily, and then lowered his head to quickly dart his tongue from between his lips. He flicked the underside against the head of Jimmy's dick and the heady whine that escaped Jimmy's throat sent a tight coil of heat straight to Sam's cock.

"Sam…" It was a moan. Sam barely recognized that it was his name leaving Jimmy's lips at all.

"You like that?" Sam asked, even if he didn't need to. Jimmy was fighting against the hand Sam held against his hip, trying to buck up into his mouth, and Sam knew that he was feeling good.

Jimmy answered, not quite catching the redundancy; "Yes." He ground out from between his teeth. He fisted the sheets on either side of his head and his left leg hiked up a bit, heel digging into the mattress besides Sam's knee, trying to find purchase as he spread himself out wider. "Sam-" Jimmy choked, swallowing thickly. Sam smiled a little bit, pleased to see such enthusiasm so early on in the game; he hadn't even started with the really good stuff yet. Of course he had to remind himself that Jimmy had been pretty much Angelically cock-blocked for the better part of three years already. That, honestly, had to be the worst case of blue balls that Sam had ever heard of in his life. He couldn't blame the guy for being a little over-enthusiastic.

"I've got you." Sam assured, silencing Jimmy before he attempted to become articulate with his demands. It wasn't necessary. His needs were as painfully obvious as if Jimmy had a bright neon sign above his dick that blinked 'suck me!' Lowering his head a bit more than it was already, Sam flicked his tongue out once more, flattened it, and dragged it along the underside of Jimmy's dick. He swirled his tongue over the head once he'd reached it, and then wiggled the tip of his tongue against the slit at the head, surprised at just how much pre-come was already dripping out. He closed his lips around the head then, and slurped at it, hollowing his cheeks out and lapping occasionally at the leaking head of Jimmy's dick. He tasted salty. Sam didn't find the taste disagreeable, but he definitely needed to put something besides burgers and french fries into the man's stomach. Distracted as he was by this thought, Sam didn't catch the warning in Jimmy's desperate whines until it was too late.

"Haa-S-Sam, I, I-hnn..!"

Unprepared for the sudden orgasm that shook through Jimmy's body and erupted in his mouth, Sam made an ungraceful show of scrunching up his face and gagging noisily around the dick in his mouth. His hands flew to Jimmy's hips and he used the leverage to push himself up, mouth sliding away from Jimmy's cock with a slick squelching sound. He coughed wetly, spitting semen and saliva all over Jimmy's thighs as well as on the bed sheets. He tasted bile at the back of his throat. Forcing himself to stop coughing, he swallowed all that was still in his mouth back with a grimace, embarrassed. He hadn't gagged like that since his first time attempting to deep throat his college flat mate. It made him feel like a virgin and his face warmed up considerably. He tried to say 'sorry' about the mess between them, but all that came out was a breathy whine as he steadied his breathing and wiped his chin and lips dry with the back of one hand.

"S-Sam…I…" Jimmy looked even redder and even more embarrassed than Sam felt. "Sorry, I…" He propped himself up on his elbows, eyebrows knitted together in concern, but Sam easily saw the way his eyes remained at half-mast and how his arms shook to support his weight. He was still riding through his orgasm, and Sam was pleased to see that at least it had been one hell of good one if Jimmy was this shaken.

"No, I'm sorry." Sam muttered. He cleared his throat a bit, licking at his lips. "Just wasn't expecting so much at once…" He said and chuckled when Jimmy's ears started to match the red hue that colored his cheeks. While he attempted to clean away with one hand the spittle and semen that he had sprayed over Jimmy's legs, his other hand wrapped around Jimmy's still-hard cock. He heard the older man suck in air and glanced up from under his lashes to see the lustful expression cross over Jimmy's face as Sam started to stroke him through the afterglow. "It really _has_ been a while for you, hasn't it?" He teased gently.

Jimmy grunted, but it sounded more like a moan and his eyes rolled up slightly. "I haven't been that premature since puberty." He grumbled, and his flustered shame made Sam smile secretly to himself. He smothered it quickly enough lest Jimmy see his amusement and become affronted.

"That's okay…at least it was good. Besides…look. You're hard again." It was true. Sam was only gently fisting him, and yet Jimmy's cock was swelling all over again, hardening gradually in Sam's palm.

"This is so humiliating…"

Sam chuckled and quickened his hand. "Don't pretend like you don't like it."

Jimmy groaned and bucked his hips up into Sam's hand. "How can I?" He asked bitingly. He looked down at Sam then, just barely from underneath his lashes as his eyes threatened to slip closed in bliss as Sam worked him. He eyed Sam's hand, his expression, and then his gaze drifted further down, and Sam remembered that his lower half had been becoming intimate with Jimmy's right calf. His hips jerked against Jimmy's leg at the reminder. "Do you want to…uh…you want me to reciprocate?" Jimmy gestured vaguely towards Sam's full, jutting, erection.

"No." Sam said. Not unkindly, just firmly. "You wouldn't last long enough." He said, and meant it. Jimmy was already leaking again, spilling pre-come over Sam's hand and making the hand job that much more slippery. He could tell that Jimmy was getting closer and closer to losing it again, and Sam hadn't even gotten around to the main event. He wanted to make this last, wanted it to feel good for Jimmy, and while Sam would have loved to see how Jimmy would look with those lips wrapped around his dick, he also knew that this whole experience wasn't for him. He would be getting enough out of this; he didn't need to be selfish. Jimmy wanted this, needed this, and this experience was to please him above all else. It felt nice to think of it like that, Sam realized. Like he had a greater purpose. A greater sexual good. The idea made him smirk and he worked his hand faster.

"Nng…" Jimmy's eyes wrenched shut. His hands found the sheets again and he tugged at them, wrinkling them and upsetting their firm hold around the hotel mattress. "Sam…" He panted. His chest heaved, glistening with perspiration as Sam brought him close to his second climax of the evening. "Sam, w-wait…stop." Jimmy really didn't sound like he wanted Sam to stop. He must have realized that because he tried again, using a much firmer tone. "Stop. I don't want to finish like this."

Sam stilled his hand. His eyes found Jimmy's face and he drank up the flustered, hot mess he found himself staring at. "How do you want it, then?" He asked, surprised at how low and husky his voice had become. He was achingly hard, too, he realized, and he straddled Jimmy's leg a bit little more, jerking his hips against it forcefully for some type of friction. Jimmy eyed Sam's erection shamelessly as Sam rubbed against him. He made a low, throaty sound at the sight, and then he placed his hands on Sam's shoulders, urging him to sit upright. Reluctant to move, Sam nevertheless obeyed Jimmy's incessant hands and sat upright between his legs. He followed the continued tugs at his shoulders until he was crouched low over Jimmy's body. They were kissing again in the next second, one of Jimmy's hands at the back of Sam's head to hold him still. Sam was pleased to notice that Jimmy was taking more initiative this time around; he was pressing into Sam's lips in a fevered hustle, gasping against Sam's mouth between intervals and then quickly returning to nipping at Sam's lips. It wasn't until Jimmy snuck his tongue into Sam's mouth that Sam was even aware that Jimmy had grabbed his wrist and was prompting his hand downwards, up and over his thighs.

Jimmy moaned when he led Sam's hand underneath his thighs and Sam took control, moving swiftly and rubbing circles into the tight ring of flesh that he found just south of Jimmy's balls.

"There?" Sam pulled away and breathed. A string of saliva hung between his swollen lips and Jimmy's slightly parted ones. It broke when Sam licked at his aching lips with his equally abused tongue. "You want it there? Huh?" He asked, and continued to toy with Jimmy, feeling the rings of flesh giving way just slightly as he pressed a finger against them. He didn't go in yet, even if Jimmy squirmed like he wanted him to. "You do. You want me to play with you down here, don't you? You want me to get you off like this." He smirked a little bit, shifting his weight and pushing his free hand into the mattress besides Jimmy's head. It gave him more wiggle room with his right hand down below.

"Nn…Yes." Said Jimmy. He frowned, eyes squeezing shut. He made an uncomfortable sound, and then his eyes snapped open, quickly darting around in a disorientating blur of blue, black, and white as he searched for something. When he found the bottle of lube that Sam had laid out earlier resting neatly on the bedside table, he made a wild grab for it, fingers clutching at it gleefully, and all but shoved the plastic into Sam's chest. "This." Jimmy moaned, pressing harder into Sam's chest with the bottle. Sam relented his teasing down below in favor of taking hold of the lubricant Jimmy so desperately wanted him to have. "Use this. Use your fingers. Get me ready, Sam." Jimmy's pupils were blown; he was staring at Sam in want, every breath he heaved a silent plea for Sam's touch. His voice when he spoke was low and gravelly with so much desire that he sounded a bit like Castiel for a moment. Except that Castiel never looked or sounded like _this_. Not with that much emotion behind his words, and definitely not with those hungry bedroom eyes. Sam felt his skin prickle with goose bumps.

Sneaking one hand away from Jimmy in favor of stroking his neglected arousal, Sam snapped open the bottle of lube with his teeth and spat the cap to the side of the room. He released himself in order to smear the lubricant over two of the fingers of his right hand. "Spread your legs." Sam instructed. He was pleased when Jimmy did exactly that without question, and he slapped gently at Jimmy's inner thigh; Sam always was one for playful slaps and pinches during sex and foreplay. He found it exhilarating and sexy; he hoped Jimmy didn't mind. The man startled, yes, but the desire in his eyes did not fade, and his expression remained hungry and needy, so Sam figured that as long as Jimmy didn't disagree with the action, that it had been all right. Jimmy gave a small whine as Sam dropped his hand back down between his legs, starting to tease his hole again with the pads of his fingers. "Hold still. Let me work you, baby. I've got you. Just lie there and take it."

"Oh fuck…Sam…" Jimmy's breath hitched a little, and Sam shushed him, rubbing soothing circles on top of Jimmy's hipbones with the hand he had pressed there. Sam had slipped a finger inside of him and Jimmy's body had immediately reacted-negatively. His muscles squeezed against Sam's invading digit and his hips lifted a bit, attempting to roll away, before Sam pushed them back down. It was obvious that it had been _years_ since Jimmy had been touched back there. He was tight, and hot, and he continued to squirm underneath Sam's grip, attempting to find a more comfortable position in order to accommodate the invading force inside of him. "Sam…" Jimmy breathed his name like a prayer.

"Shh…just take it, baby, just take it. Relax, Jimmy." Sam leaned his head down and kissed at Jimmy's pelvic region, then his thighs. His hand held firm to Jimmy's hip. "Just relax, let me stretch you. It's okay; you like this." Sam reassured. Jimmy moaned, but nodded, and Sam continued to mouth at his legs as a reward, feeling sharp shivers of pleasure rippling through Jimmy's body under his hands and mouth. When he felt some of the pressure ease around his finger, he gave an experimental twitch, wriggling his digit a little before he delved in deeper. Jimmy hissed at the motion, and Sam was quick to pull his finger out just a bit and pour more lube onto it before he set back to work. It was a slow process, but one that Sam undertook with great care and precision. He worked with only one finger for a long while, pushing in and pulling out, wiggling one way and then the next, until Jimmy's pained gasps became soft grunts of approval. Then he added a second finger and began to scissor him.

"Yeah, you like it now, right?" Sam asked as he poked around a bit for the small bundle of nerves that he knew would enlighten the experience for Jimmy even more. As he rolled it between his fingers, Jimmy sighed and he gave a full body shudder before he shut his eyes to the world and flopped his head back into his pillow. Sam continued to rub his sweet spot for a while longer until Jimmy was relaxed and his back was arching up against the touch, and then he went back to fingering him slowly. Sam licked his lips and removed his hand from Jimmy's hip so that he could rub at the head of his twitching cock. His fingers came back wet with pre-come, and as if he could read minds, Jimmy suddenly fluttered his eyes open and caught Sam in the act of preparing to wipe his hand against the sheets. Jimmy made a 'give me' motion with one hand and Sam offered his hand to him. The swirl of Jimmy's tongue as it danced over and in between his digits made Sam groan appreciatively.

And suddenly it was like the tap being turned on; the dirty thoughts in Sam's head no longer had a filter. They came tumbling out of his mouth in a breathless heap. "Oh, fuck, you're so good at that. Makes me wonder how good you are with your mouth on a nice hard dick. Huh? I bet you're good at sucking dick. Right, Jimmy? Yeah? Mm, that feels amazing. Oh yeah. Yeah, baby." Thankfully, dirty talk didn't seem to shy Jimmy away; in fact, it compelled him to put on an even sexier show of licking all the way up Sam's palm and to his fingers before dipping them towards his mouth and taking the middle and ring fingers all the way to the back of his throat. "Oh, God, Jimmy." Sam gasped, sucking in his air and biting at his lower lip at the sight-the _feel_. He made an animalistic sound at the back of his throat, all lust and impatience. "I wanna fuck you so bad, baby. Wanna pound you into the mattress." His fingers darted in and out of Jimmy's ass in rapid succession now, and somewhere along the line Sam had added two more fingers to the mix, really stretching him out. "You want that, baby? Tell me you want my hard dick inside your ass. C'mon. Tell me, Jimmy. C'mon, I wanna hear you."

Jimmy pulled his mouth off of Sam's fingers with a gasp, and for a brief instant, Sam felt the muscles of Jimmy's throat fluttering under his digits. "Sam!" Jimmy yelped. His back arched off of the mattress, and he tried to roll away from Sam's ministrations. Sam returned his other hand (now slick with saliva) to Jimmy's hipbone and pinned him to the mattress as best as he could. Jimmy groaned loudly and his legs shook as he dug his heels into the mattress on either side of Sam's crouched form. "Sam!" Jimmy tried again. The blue in his eyes was barely even recognizable now. His expression was completely foggy with want and he looked about as lost in the moment as Sam felt. "Sam, fuck me already." Jimmy huffed. "Fuck me hard. Put your cock inside of me; I can't wait another second. I want it. I want it. I want it bad, Sam, oh, fuck, just, Sam, I, I need, oh, oh, _oh fuck Sam hurry up_."

Sam barely remembered to grab the condoms on the nightstand in his hustle to comply with Jimmy's lewd demands. He made an ungraceful performance of tearing into the box with as much vigor as he would have if it had been his first meal after a month of an all-liquid diet. He tore the box in the process, but he didn't care. He tossed aside all but one condom and the box dropped off the side of the bed, spilling it's contents over the carpet. He tugged the wrapper open with his teeth and spat away the remains, taking his hands off of Jimmy's body completely for the first time in a while in order to sheath himself. He made sure to use a charitable amount of lube on his dick, remembering vaguely that Jimmy still might have trouble encompassing his full size without it, and even smeared a little more around Jimmy's eagerly twitching hole. "Yeah, you want this? You want it in you so bad, huh? I can tell. Mm, pick up your hips a little, baby. Let me see that pretty little hole. Yeah, that's it. Oh fuck yeah, I'm gonna make you feel so good…" Sam licked his lips and grabbed Jimmy's ass with both hands, hoisting his lower half up as he positioned himself. He let Jimmy's legs fall back down over his thighs as he kneeled over him, and began to focus more on lining up his dick with Jimmy's entrance.

"Sam…" It was a whimper. Sam was suddenly aware of the stinging slap of skin on skin as Jimmy reached up and grasped him by the biceps without any notice as to how hard he had done it. His short nails were scratching at his skin again, but Sam didn't say anything about it. "Come on, Sam." Jimmy panted, his eyes glazed over with need. He wasn't even really focused on Sam, his line of sight flickering between Sam and the ceiling above them. He was so far gone, but it made Sam smile to know that he had someone completely losing control in front of him. Someone trusted him enough to let down all their guards (well, besides Dean-and his trust wasn't downplayed in the slightest; Sam was grateful for it everyday of his life). "C'mon, Sam. C'mon. C'mon." Jimmy's voice dropped to a whisper and he chanted the words like a mantra, a spell that drew Sam closer to him. When the head of Sam's dick finally broke past the first ring of flesh and started to sink into Jimmy's body, Jimmy reacted by stilling his breathing and stiffening his frame. After a heartbeat, he arched his back off of the mattress and gave a weak cry towards the ceiling. "Oh God, Sam!" He sounded pained underneath his lust.

"Shh." Sam tried. He winced as he met resistance in his press forward and he stilled his hips, pausing about one fourth of the way in. He ignored the drag of sharp, jagged fingernails down his arms as he leaned his upper body down towards Jimmy's chest. He tucked his head down and started to kiss lightly at Jimmy's neck. He paid extra attention to his jugular and licked over the rapidly fluttering heartbeat that he detected there. "Relax, Jimmy. I need you to relax, baby, okay? Can you do that? Come on, let me in now. I'm gonna make you feel so good, but you gotta let me in. Relax, Jimmy. It's okay. I've got you, okay? It's okay. I've got you and you're gonna feel so good in a minute, baby. Just a minute." When simply kissing and licking at Jimmy's neck and chest didn't do much for lax muscles, Sam lifted his head and instead kissed Jimmy's lips, sucking and grazing his teeth over lips and tongue gently while he reached one hand between them and started to fondle Jimmy's dick. He was still hard, and still dripping pre-come onto himself, so Sam used the added lubricant to his advantage as he stroked Jimmy through the worst of his pain.

"Nnh…" Jimmy grunted, hips shifting experimentally. He reacted to Sam's mouth at last, biting back at Sam's lower lip as the younger man pulled away slightly. He lay there for a while, gripping tightly at Sam's forearms and letting the last of his pain leave him. Sam waited with him, sometimes leaning down to whisper lewd things into Jimmy's ear and to tease the shell of it with his tongue. He enjoyed the very open way that Jimmy shook with pleasure at such small touches. After almost a full two minutes, Jimmy finally reopened his eyes and gazed up at Sam in a dazed sort of way. His lips parted, and he just breathed up at Sam for a while before he rasped out the words: "Fuck me."

Excited to finally have consent to continue, Sam wasted no time in beginning to press back inside of Jimmy's body. His dick had been twitching, aching for full penetration, and now he was finally getting just that as he began to slip inside a little more, inch by inch. Jimmy arched up occasionally, would curse at certain moments, but for the most part he seemed determined to continue uninterrupted. And the sweet heat that gripped Sam from all sides as he finally made it halfway in was overwhelming. He felt his chest rumble with the growl that escaped him, and he moved his hands around, squeezing at Jimmy's hips tightly. He didn't hold out for much longer, and really he was just glad that he'd held out for as long as he had already; in the next couple of heartbeats, Sam's hips snapped forward, skin slapping against skin and making a loud clapping sound inside of the hotel room, and suddenly Sam was fully sheathed inside of Jimmy's quivering body. Sam let out a loud moan around the same time Jimmy tensed and came hard over his own stomach without even being touched. Considering the fact that this was the second 'surprise climax' that Sam had been witness to, it put pause in his actions and he stared wide-eyed and slack-jawed at Jimmy.

The moan was a little belated, but it came nevertheless, sounding more like a gentle hum than a lusty string of expletives that Sam expected. Jimmy's chin lifted as his head sank back into his pillow weakly, and his grip on Sam's arms started to falter. This was concerning, but not so much as the way that Sam saw Jimmy's eyelids flutter as his eyes rolled up into the back of his head and he started to fall limp against the mattress.

"Oh, fuck." Sam hissed. He quickly grabbed at Jimmy's jaw with one hand, the other sending short, sharp little slaps to the side of Jimmy's face as he tried to rouse him before he was too far gone into himself. "Jimmy! Wake up. Come on, stay with me here, man." He snapped his fingers in front of Jimmy's nose a couple of times and was relieved when Jimmy suddenly took a deep intake of breath and fluttered his eyelashes as he tried to focus his eyes. There was a very disconcerting moment where Jimmy's pupils retracted to normal size and he focused completely, and Sam knew that it was _Castiel_ staring out at him. The recognition and shock in those eyes faded in the next second and then Jimmy was back, struggling into alertness. He went cross-eyed for a brief moment, rolled his eyes around the room in a lazy, sweeping glance, then tried again to tune in to Sam.

"How long was I out?" Jimmy croaked.

"Just a few seconds." Sam expelled a heavy breath of air that he had been holding in his chest.

"Oh." Jimmy blinked. "Oh." He shook himself a little bit. "That's never happened before."

Sam gave him a wistful smile. "I should hope not…are you okay?" He stroked the side of Jimmy's face with his thumb, smoothing away invisible imperfections. Nothing clears your complexion quite like an Angelic possession.

Jimmy nodded in response, looking weary and tense.

"You know, we can stop." Sam offered. He tried to keep his lower half as still as possible when he realized that he was still buried up to the hilt inside of Jimmy's body. No need to cause him any kind of discomfort after he had almost faded back into himself. "We can call it quits if you can't do anymore. I mean, it was good, right?" He gestured to the drying semen that was partially filling Jimmy's belly button. He attempted to pull out, but Jimmy made a half-hearted moan and Sam stopped, tensing his muscles and willing himself to remain stock still once more. "Jimmy?"

"No." Jimmy mumbled. His head shook lazily. "No, Sam, I don't want to stop. I'm fine." He touched Sam's neck with one hand, resting his palm on the back of it. "I think it was just too much all at once…I'm okay now. I'm better." He shifted his hips experimentally and Sam clenched his teeth around a groan. "I want this." Jimmy persisted. "I want _you_. It's been so long since someone has been this good to me or even touched me like this." Jimmy leaned his head into Sam's touch on the side of his face, eyes sliding shut briefly. "I want all of it. I want to take memories of our time together with me when I go back to sleep. I want to remember what it feels like to let go and be with someone." He reopened his eyes, once more mostly black as his pupils dilated. "Please, Sam. Don't stop. I want this, and I want you to feel good, too." He smiled then, and Sam felt his heart quicken. "Fuck me." Jimmy whispered. "Fuck me, Sam. Please, Sam. Please, just fuck me already." Jimmy's words became louder, easier to hear, and Sam shook all over with arousal at the sound. His hips pulled back of their own accord and then he shoved his dick back inside, beginning a mild pace. Jimmy's moans picked up again and steadily grew in volume. "Fuck me. Sam. Fuck me. Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me…"

Sam's entire body warmed at the sound of Jimmy's voice prompting him to continue. He made a low, throaty, noise as the tight heat that wrapped around his dick flexed and spread open for his length. Jimmy's words became a bit incomprehensible as Sam's steady rocking started to become a more stable kind of thrusting. Leaning down over Jimmy, Sam pressed their chests together as he reached his head down to meet his lips with Jimmy's in a hot, tangled kiss around Jimmy's moaned out instructions.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: **What if I need you when I can't see you?**  
>Author: <strong>Songstone**  
>Rating: <strong>NC-17**  
>PairingCharacters: **Sam Winchester/Jimmy Novak. Mentions of Dean and Castiel.**  
>Warnings: <strong>Rough sex, dirty talk, slightly AU-ish.**  
>Word Count: <strong>14,060**  
>Summary: <strong>Jimmy Novak strikes a deal with Castiel. If he gets to take the wheel long enough to enjoy sex again, then he'll give Castiel permission to use his body to lie with Dean. However, it is Jimmy's choice in bed partners that surprises everyone.**  
>Authors Note: <strong>Cut up into three parts because of the length. Written for fun, this started off as PWP based off of a role play my sister and I started. However, I quickly realized that this story had plans of it's own and wanted to make something of itself...it became a monster. A lovely, horny, very detailed, monster. Title taken from a verse in Meg & Dia's 'Nineteen Stars'.**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own 'Supernatural' or any of its characters.

* * *

><p>"Oh, God." Sam moaned. "Mm, you feel so good. It feels so amazing being inside of you. Fuck, Jimmy you're so tight." His hands were everywhere. He pinched at Jimmy's nipples, rolled the pebbled stubs between his fingers, dragging out moan after moan from Jimmy, who writhed beneath him. As Sam's hips quickened a bit more and he watched Jimmy arch away from the bed a little, clenching at the sheets in a desperate hold, Sam reached between them once again and wrapped his hand around Jimmy's dick. He was pleased to discover that Jimmy was hard again, hot and heavy in Sam's palm, and Sam began to jerk him off in time with the push and pull of his hips. Jimmy cried out, muffling the sound with a hand that he slapped over his lips; he bit down on his knuckles, eyes screwing shut, and moaned around the obstruction. Sam licked his lips at the sight. "Yeah, you like that, huh? Don't try to hide, Jimmy. You can't hide how much you like me fucking your ass. You like it so much that you're hard again. You've already come twice, but that's not enough, is it? You want more, right? Fuck yeah, baby. You want it all. Take it all."<p>

"Nng…!" Jimmy tossed his head from side to side for a moment, and then his back was lifting away from the bed again. This time his hips followed, and it threw Sam off-rhythm.

"What-"

"Like this. Don't stop, just do it like this." Jimmy instructed. He eased himself off of Sam's cock, wincing as Sam left him completely, and then without waiting for Sam to question him, Jimmy rolled his body over and fell face-first down into the pillow. His ass stayed in the air though, his knees digging deep into the mattress, and he reached one hand down to spread himself wider for Sam to see. "Like this, Sam. Fuck me like this. Come on, get back inside of me. I can't take not having you inside for too long." Jimmy wiggled his ass to make his point and Sam took the invitation.

Pushing himself up into a kneeling position, Sam steadied his slightly swaying frame by resting one hand on the small of Jimmy's back and the other on the wall in front of them. He spread his knees to match Jimmy's, found purchase in his pose, and then aligned himself with Jimmy's entrance once more. He guided himself with one hand, removing it from the wall to do so, and slipped back inside of Jimmy's body with a considerably less amount of resistance than before. Jimmy gave a full body shudder and a moan. Sam gripped his hip tight as he started to pump in and out of him again, once more starting off slow. "Oh, yeah…" Sam groaned. His head rolled on his shoulders a bit when he let it fall back under the weight of hazy pleasure that coursed through his veins.

"Sam…" Jimmy weakly called for his attention. Sam squeezed his hip to let him know that he was listening. "Sam…don't go easy for my sake." He said. His voice was quivering slightly, and he wrapped his arms around the pillow beneath his head, hugging it against himself in a desperate choke hold. "Don't hold back. You can do so much more than this with me…" He rocked his hips back to meet Sam's forward thrust and both of them groaned as one at the sudden new angle and depth that Sam could reach. "It isn't going to hurt me, not really. I've been torn apart, burned, stabbed, shot, and put back together so many times that if you were to hurt me here, of all places, it wouldn't be up there on the list of Most Painful Experiences of my life." He turned his head just so, and over Jimmy's shoulder Sam could see the smile playing at his lips. "I'm not made of glass, and I won't break. I still have an Angel inside of me, and Cas isn't going to let me fall apart, least of all under your touch. So come on, Sam." Jimmy shut his eyes, eyebrows knitting together as he rolled his hips back again, meeting Sam dead-on, hard. "Nng-come on."

"Jimmy-fuck." Sam swore once more and then tightened his hold on Jimmy's hip. It would have been enough of a grasp to leave bruises in the shape of Sam's fingers, but with Castiel still inside of him, dormant or not, Jimmy's skin didn't retain any signs of damage. It was an exhilarating thought; Sam didn't want his mind to linger on it for too long, but he wasn't able to help it in the long run. Jimmy couldn't be hurt-not terribly, at least. Sam could let go completely. He could let loose and not worry about hurting Jimmy because, hey, this bed-partner had a freaking Angel vacuum packed into him and wouldn't crumble if Sam was a little rough in his handling. As much as Sam tried not to think of all kinds of sexual ways to take advantage of Jimmy's Angelic possession, the thoughts came pouring into his head, unbidden. He hissed and bit his lower lip as Jimmy pushed back against him, prompting him to move faster. Or harder. Sam couldn't be sure, so he did both. Jimmy yelped and then whimpered in appreciation, so Sam had obviously given something that he'd wanted.

Sam wasn't sure if he wanted to listen to Jimmy. He didn't want to be rough, he just wanted to make Jimmy feel good. But, he found himself wondering, what if Jimmy was the one that wanted it rough; what if that's the kind of thing that got him off? He did seem pretty needy with the way that he was impaling himself back onto Sam's cock again and again when Sam's pace began to falter. The heat that wasn't already pooled in Sam's groin went to his face instead, and his blush had him seeing stars for a second, the sudden head-rush taking him by storm. Jimmy wanted Sam to go all out; the knowledge made Sam's skin prickle with exuberance. He wanted to just release all of the pent up sexual frustration on Jimmy. He wanted to have his way with him, have Jimmy completely under his control and influence. The power was a turn on, as was the knowledge that Jimmy Novak-good, faithful, Angelic vessel, Jimmy Novak-wanted his ass pounded raw by Sam Winchester. Someone pure enough to house an Angel inside of them wanted Sam of all people. He was giving everything up to Sam, and he could take as much as he wanted without any kind of repercussions. The surge of passion and want was blinding.

Sam felt dizzy with lust, but he steeled himself and held tightly to Jimmy's shaking frame for support. One hand gripped tight at Jimmy's hip, the other shot forward rapidly and the fingers of his right hand tangled in Jimmy's soft, dark locks of hair. Sam tightened his grip for a moment and felt some roots pull free under his grasp. Jimmy cried out sharply in surprise, and then his head snapped back into Sam's pull and his chest rumbled as he hummed appreciatively. Sam lost it then and there.

As Jimmy pushed himself up onto all fours with shaking arms, Sam blanked his mind to anything else besides what felt good. He moved at his own angle and set his own pace. From somewhere below him, in a fuzzy kind of way, Sam heard Jimmy moaning and crying out his name occasionally, but he didn't give the sounds a second thought. Instead he let the hungry tones shoot heat into his veins and used the adrenaline to move even faster, or push even deeper. He held tight to Jimmy's hip and hair with both hands, upper body slouching forward somewhat to find firmer footing. His chest was pressed against Jimmy's back, and Sam could feel the sharp prod from Jimmy's shoulder blades every time he drove forward.

It was just as Sam had been expecting; Jimmy wasn't being hurt in the slightest. The hair that Sam felt being ripped from Jimmy's scalp never fell to the mattress. Sam wasn't sure what happened to it, but it wasn't really leaving Jimmy at all. Sam could have sworn that he felt his grasp on Jimmy's hair become thicker every once and a while, but he couldn't be sure if it was just his imagination or not. And the way that he was digging his fingers and nails into Jimmy's hip should have already drawn blood. Instead, there were red marks for all of three seconds before they faded away and Sam could replace them with vigor. It was breathtaking. Sam had never seen anything quite like it, and Sam Winchester had come across a lot of different things in his short life.

And the metaphorical icing on the cake was the fact that Jimmy seemed to be as lost in his passion as Sam was.

"Sam, oh God!" Jimmy practically sobbed. His entire vocabulary had degenerated into swears and Sam's name.

"You like it? Hell yeah, you like it. You keep trying to pull me back inside of you every time I move back. You want me in you. You just can't go on very long without a hard dick in your ass, can you? Uh-huh, that's what I thought. Damn, Jimmy. I would have never guessed that you had this side to you." Sam laughed and the sound was raw and frenzied. Leaning his head forward, Sam was able to bite down hard on the shell of Jimmy's ear. He swirled his tongue over the fading mark to soothe the ache, and then whispered right into Jimmy's ear canal; "If Heaven could see you now…"

"Oh, fuck!" Jimmy's arms were shaking with the effort of holding himself up-Sam noticed and decided to allow Jimmy some relief. He stopped pulling at his hair and instead shoved down at the back of Jimmy's head, sending him face-down into the pillow. The hand on his hip made sure that Jimmy's lower half stayed upright. The muffled groan into the pillow showed just how much Jimmy appreciated the relief, and the new angle. His ass wiggled a little and Sam swore.

"Damn, that feels good." Sam droned. He brought his free hand down and lined it up with Jimmy's ass before he let go a well-aimed, open-palmed slap. The red mark of his hand on Jimmy's right ass-cheek was visible for only a few seconds, but Sam drank up the sight for as long as he could. The slight ripple of skin over Jimmy's ass as Sam spanked him again made Sam's entire body prickle with gooseflesh. The little yelps and sobs that Jimmy made to accompany the sharp sound of skin-on-skin made the whole sight and experience even better.

Sam came not too long after he stopped spanking Jimmy, driving himself deep inside and tensing up. He shuddered all over, felt his eyes rolling back slightly, and then let go of a pleased, drawn-out sigh. All tension left his body in waves, pulsing out of him as the last flickers of his orgasm faded from his senses. It was the lightest that Sam had felt in a long while. He was willing to simply crumple under the sheer bliss and relaxation that suddenly gripped him, but stopped himself from doing so when he recalled that he needed to bring Jimmy over as well. He had neglected him long enough. Relinquishing his white-knuckled hold on the man's hip, Sam brought his hand up to his lips and started to lick over his palm and fingers. He dribbled some saliva into his cupped hand, and then reached around Jimmy's waist and fumbled for a second before he wrapped his fingers around the pulsing, leaking, dick that he found. Jimmy tensed, shoulders drawn up, and then moaned out a sob.

"You're so hot, Jimmy. You're amazing." Sam whispered, leaning down to speak close to Jimmy's ear. He moved his hips in a steady in-and-out motion to help move Jimmy's orgasm along. His lips played over sweaty skin and he swirled his tongue just behind the other man's earlobe. Sam took the time to lick away the gooseflesh that broke out over Jimmy's shoulders at the notion. Sam worked his hand faster than his hips, the slick feel his saliva making the sliding motion a lot smoother and heated for Jimmy, he was sure. "Come on, Jimmy, come on. Come for me, baby. Come for me. Yeah…"

"Nng…!" Jimmy tucked his head down to his chest, his back muscles rippling as he shook with the sheer force of his impending orgasm. He shoved himself back onto Sam, one arm swinging behind himself as he grasped at Sam's forearm to keep him still. Keeping Sam buried up to the hilt, fingers pressing into the skin of Sam's arm in a quivering death-grip, Jimmy came for the third and final time in the past hour, and he came hard. "Sam…" Jimmy hiccoughed when the worst (read: best) was over. His body shook as Sam continued to pump in and out of him, no longer fully erect but simply assuring that Jimmy properly rode out his orgasm.

Sam became concerned only when Jimmy suddenly went completely lax beneath him, realizing that he might have slipped away into the recesses of his mind. The sudden panic that rang in his ears almost made Sam dizzy, but he tried his best to be gentle about removing himself from Jimmy's body, whether it was still Jimmy underneath him or not.

"Jimmy? Are you…are you still you?" Sam inquired, covering one of Jimmy's shoulders with one massive hand (thankfully, his clean one).

"Mm." Came the stunted reply. Much too human to be Castiel.

"Oh." Sam let out a sigh. "Good." He grinned, then moved back slowly in order to strip the condom away from his steadily relaxing dick. He tied it off and tossed it into the waste basket besides the bed. He wiped his hand on the side of the bed next, cleaning it up from saliva and come-more saliva than anything, since it seemed that Jimmy had spent more than he could afford with the last two orgasms that had worked him. Sam placed a gentle hand on the small of Jimmy's back, beginning to rub small circles into the dampened skin. "Are you okay?" He called softly. Jimmy's sides were expanding with every deep gasp for air he made and he was shaking subtly under Sam's touch. It was like a pleasant buzz of honey bees inside of their hive, Sam thought, and he smiled, finding the thought to be amusing as well as endearing.

"Mm." Jimmy grunted again. He shifted a little, to turn his head the opposite way than it already was in order to face Sam, who slid down to lie besides him. "Perfect." Jimmy hummed. "It was just…perfect." He sighed, contentment written all over his face. Smiling, Jimmy slid his blue orbs shut to the world around him and moved his body just enough to be curled into Sam's side.

"Yeah." Sam agreed. He felt the burn of his muscles, then, his body letting him know that while it could handle chasing down werewolves and grappling with shape shifters, it was totally not used to the workout that was sex. His hips and thighs especially burned from the force he had been using in his thrusts, but it was a pleasant ache. His chest rumbled as he shifted to lie down on his back to allow Jimmy to rest his head against his bicep and curl against his side. "Yeah. It was perfect…"

As much as Sam was all for cuddling and dozing, he couldn't stop his thoughts from traveling down a much colder path that the warm one Jimmy seemed to be on. After all, Jimmy was very capable of peacefully falling asleep and never waking up again-for a while, at least. Castiel could easily swoop in now that his end of the deal is up and take full control over Jimmy again. Sam frowned at the thought, arm tightening around the smaller man. He wasn't one for one night stands, preferring to have a lasting relationship than anything else. But of course, he reminded himself, there was absolutely no way a relationship with Jimmy would work-hell, that wasn't even why Jimmy was there. He hardly ever emerged from within himself, and his body was Castiel's home away from home, being driven from coast to coast and beyond. There was also the fact that Castiel and Dean were becoming a lot closer now. That narrowed down the chances of Jimmy's reappearance later on down the line to next to nothing. It was a depressing thought, Sam decided. Not only would Jimmy be sleeping the time away, he would be missing out on life in general. Especially his daughter's. Jimmy made a point to call or visit Claire when he was awake, but it still wasn't nearly enough. She was growing up, and Jimmy was missing it all.

"Jimmy?"

"Hm?"

Sam bit his lip and took a moment before he ventured to ask; "Will you still be here in the morning?"

There was a pause, and suddenly Jimmy shifted against Sam and was looking up into his eyes with his own bright, blue, orbs. He looked confused. He looked sad.

"I don't know." Jimmy finally confessed.

Sam felt his stomach drop. After spending two weeks with Jimmy, he decided that it was going to feel weird to not have him around. He would be glad for Castiel's presence, as he always was, but he would feel exceptionally lonely without Jimmy. Jimmy had come to be a very constant, normal, voice within Sam's and Dean's odd lifestyle: he had been there after the hunts that the brothers had taken on, eager to help patch them up or to pour them drinks and order take-out. Jimmy had been there to talk about how ridiculous gas prices were nowadays, to attempt to call shotgun before hopping into the Impala and to fall asleep curled up in the backseat when Dean insisted the front seat was a strict Winchester-only zone. Sam had grown used to Jimmy's presence, his sense of humor, the way he looked at and watched Sam once and a while when he was sure that Sam wasn't looking back. Sam was definitely going to miss Jimmy when Castiel took the wheel again; just by thinking about it he was already missing the warmth that Jimmy's body provided as it curled neatly against him.

"Sam." Called Jimmy. "Don't look so stressed out." He forced himself to smile; the strain was obvious around his eyes. He placed a warm palm against Sam's cheek and thumbed under his left eye. "I'll still be around. Maybe not at the forefront, but I'll be all right. And if Cas ever needs to take off to Heaven again, I'll make sure he drops me off with you for a quick visit." When Sam failed to respond positively and only frowned a little bit more, Jimmy's own tense grin came crumbling down. He tried eliciting a response again, but with a different tactic this time. "Sam, I can't thank you enough for this. I've missed real human interaction. I can't tell you how good it felt to be around you and your brother for these past two weeks. Thanks to your willingness to cooperate, I was even able to get two weeks worth of phone calls out to Claire." His eyes shone a bit, and Jimmy looked legitimately happy for a moment. "I really mean it, Sam. You have all of my gratitude; you made me feel like I was human again and not just a meat suit."

Sam swallowed down the lump that threatened to rise in his throat. He studied Jimmy's face for a moment and wasn't able to deny that how content with the world he appeared. It must be awesome to feel like that. Sam smiled slightly in response to Jimmy's questioning gaze and nodded a little. He shut his eyes to avoid admiring how content and just how fucking gorgeous Jimmy looked right at that moment. The image would be burned into his memory bank forever, but over-exposure only made Sam's heart long for a world where those bright eyes greeted him everyday when he slunk back into the motel after a hunt.

"You're welcome." Sam breathed. He leaned forward blindly, placing a kiss somewhere he believed was Jimmy's forehead, and then rested against him. "You're very welcome, Jimmy. I enjoyed our time together more than you realize. I just hope…I hope that when you come around again, you'll be able to hang around for longer than two weeks."

When Jimmy answered, he answered ambiguously. But Sam could have sworn he felt more than he heard Jimmy hoping for the very same thing.

"We'll see Sam. For now, don't let go. Just sleep."


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: **What if I need you when I can't see you?**  
>Author: <strong>Songstone**  
>Rating: <strong>NC-17**  
>PairingCharacters: **Sam Winchester/Jimmy Novak. Mentions of Dean and Castiel.**  
>Warnings: <strong>Rough sex, dirty talk, slightly AU-ish.**  
>Word Count: <strong>14,060**  
>Summary: <strong>Jimmy Novak strikes a deal with Castiel. If he gets to take the wheel long enough to enjoy sex again, then he'll give Castiel permission to use his body to lie with Dean. However, it is Jimmy's choice in bed partners that surprises everyone.**  
>Authors Note: <strong>Cut up into three parts because of the length. Written for fun, this started off as PWP based off of a role play my sister and I started. However, I quickly realized that this story had plans of it's own and wanted to make something of itself...it became a monster. A lovely, horny, very detailed, monster. Title taken from a verse in Meg & Dia's 'Nineteen Stars'.**  
>Disclaimer: <strong>I do not own 'Supernatural' or any of its characters.

* * *

><p>Sam woke up to the glare of the morning sun bouncing off the outside of his eyelids. He grumbled something to himself, tried to roll over and escape the sun's radiance, and immediately found that he was already half-awake. What had woken him? He wondered vaguely if perhaps Dean had been knocking at his door, but dismissed the thought quickly. His brother would have never quit pounding at the door if that was the case; he would have probably even found a way into Sam's room if he thought something was wrong and woken him himself.<p>

And then suddenly Sam was aware of a soft whispering behind his back, not too far away. He tensed, his mind instantly thinking attack at the strange sound, but he restrained himself. He settled for opening his eyes against the brightness in the room and searching for the source of the oddly out-of-place sounds.

It didn't surprise Sam to see that Jimmy was long gone; the spot of the bed he had been occupying was cold, and the covers had been flipped up as if someone had tossed them aside in their escape. Sam felt a pang of something at the discovery, but he didn't dwell on it too long. He had company, and his instincts were screaming at him.

Without a word, Sam rolled back over, wincing against the sunlight that slapped him in the face as it shone through the window. He squinted, trying to focus his eyes, and instantly honed in on a blurred shape sitting adjacent from him at the motel room's desk. It was hunched, leaning over the desk with its upper body and with its feet curled beneath the chair it sat upon. It was murmuring into a telephone, Sam was surprised to realize. The second realization that struck him, Sam didn't know whether to believe it or not.

"Sure, sweetheart. Yeah, absolutely, I would love to go and see you. I'm going to try real hard to make it, all right?" Jimmy chuckled a little and then quickly quieted himself. "All right, Claire. It's still early, so go on back to sleep. I'm sorry I woke you so early on a Saturday. Yeah. Okay, I'll talk to you later. I love you too, baby." There was a click as Jimmy hung up the motel room's phone, and Sam didn't wait any longer. He pushed himself into a full sitting position and cleared his throat to make himself known.

Jimmy started and turned in his seat. He was dressed from the waist down only, and even then his pants weren't buttoned or zipped. He had bed hair and crusty eyes as if he had just woken up, himself. When Jimmy saw that Sam was awake, he broke out into a smile and lifted a hand in greeting. "Morning." He called.

"Morning." Sam echoed. "What are you still doing here?" Sam didn't mean for it to come out as if Jimmy's presence was unwanted but Jimmy just shrugged, apparently unaffected.

"I don't know. Cas didn't really explain. He just woke me and told me to call Claire. He also told me to enjoy my morning-apparently I'm getting a free pass today." Jimmy smiled a little. "I was hoping not to wake you up so early, though."

Sam just stared. He fumbled for a bit and rolled out of bed, gripping the blanket tightly around his hips as he did so. He did an awkward shuffle forward, careful not to trip over the covers. "It, uh, it's okay. It's not that early." Actually, he realized, it was probably about six-thirty in the morning. Well, still not as bad as it could have been. "So what, Cas just decided to give you an extra day?" Sam stopped besides Jimmy's chair and gripped the back of it for support. "Why?"

"I'm not sure…" Jimmy shrugged again and tilted his head back to stare up at Sam. His eyes were really pretty, Sam realized, especially when the sunlight hit them the way it was just then. He reached out suddenly and in an instant Jimmy was leaning into Sam's palm as Sam cupped the side of his face. Jimmy smiled. "But I'm not complaining."

Sam couldn't help but to follow suit with a smirk of his own. "Yeah. Neither am I." Leaning down, he pressed a soft kiss atop Jimmy's hair. "Tell Castiel thanks."

Jimmy chuckled. "He heard you. He says not to waste time talking to him when it's me you ought to be spending your hours with." Jimmy stretched his legs under the desk for a moment and then slid out from the chair, moving to stand in front of Sam. He touched Sam's sides with two very cautious, shaky hands-as if he had somehow reverted to being that shy, curious, man that Sam had gotten rid of the previous night. "He says this is the least he can do for me, or for you. We should take him up on his generosity and enjoy one another while we can."

Sam's heart fluttered a little against his ribcage. He moved to wrap his arms around Jimmy's shoulders and pulled him into his chest. Jimmy was warm and real against him, and Sam was pleased when he discovered that he was being embraced in return. Even if it was just for one more day, Sam was grateful. Jimmy was a good man, a great friend, and a fantastic lover. Sam would treasure any time he was granted to be in Jimmy's presence.

"Yeah." Sam said, and smiled as he pulled away just enough to watch Jimmy's expressive eyes. "We should definitely take him up on that."

They pulled away from one another in order to shower and shave, but didn't drift too far away from each other after that.

END


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